Best Friends

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

My two boys are 16 months apart -- 16 ½ months actually -- to the day. I remember my husband and I coming to the decision that we wanted our children to be between 15 and 18 months apart. Apparently, God took us literally and split the difference. Our thinking was that our kids will have each other much longer than they will have the two of us (God willing) and, while we couldn’t force them to be best friends, we could certainly do everything we could to foster a close relationship.

As they’ve grown, it’s been such a joy to see how close they are and how much they truly love each other. Just the other day, we came upon a video of them when Ayden, our youngest, was still a baby. They were riding in their carseats and the video captured them reaching to each other to hold hands while riding in the car. Corbyn, our oldest, was talking away to Ayden and they sat there holding hands the whole time. Not a rare occurrence, we’ve captured several pictures of them over the years either falling asleep holding hands or laying with their arms around each other.

I think the most profound example of their closeness came during a trip to the emergency room a couple years ago. The boys were at the beach with their dad and the youngest injured his foot rather severely. I arrived at the hospital parking lot just as they were getting out of the car and Robert told me how Corbyn was comforting Ayden the entire time. Apparently, he repeatedly told him “You’ll be okay, Ayden” and kept speaking to him in soft, gentle tones. He distracted him by telling him stories and reassured him so much that Ayden even stopped crying – at least, until he saw his mommy.

Later that night, after Ayden’s surgery, I was at his bedside when he awoke. He started crying and as I tried to comfort him, he asked “Where’s my brother?” It was 3 a.m. and I had sent his brother and dad home for the night a few hours earlier. I tried to soothe Ayden, but through his tears, he cried out “I just need my brother. He’ll make me feel better.” My best efforts to substitute were ineffective and he repeated this same thing over and over again, growing more panic-stricken each time. It nearly broke my heart.

At the same time, though, it was the sweetest, most touching thing I heard. He was scared but trusted that his brother would help him through his ordeal. From his own experience, he already knew “a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov. 17:17)

I don’t know how their relationship will grow and change in the coming years, but I do know they have a solid foundation of genuinely caring for each other. In part, this is a result of us being very intentional about this.  Not that we always treat them exactly the same, but we certainly tend to do that more than we treat them individually.  They've always shared a room, regardless of the availability of another bedroom.  We've engaged them in the same activities at the same time and have tended towards giving them the same privileges and responsibilities. We've created time for the two of them together separate and apart from family time and/or time with mom and dad.

But I’ve not always walked that path with sure-footed confidence. Many times, I’ve questioned whether we should try to create greater independence in their relationship and in their identities. Should we give more privileges to the “older” one and be very distinctive in how we treat them, or is it okay to treat them the same more frequently then we treat them differently?

It seems whenever I doubt how we “should” be raising them, I see how kind and loving they are towards each other and I’m reminded that God has knit their hearts together in a way that surpasses anything Robert and I could ever have imagined. Certainly, while their relationship will likely go through various ups and downs as they grow, I pray they continue to not just be brothers, but to be best friends.