Patience

I’m not a patient person.  While I like to think I have moments where I can exhibit some measure of patience, by and large, this is not a word most people would use to describe my character.

And yet, patience is one of the traits I find I most need as a mom.  So many of my parenting issues are somehow related to my lack of patience:

The kids take longer than the time I have allotted to get dressed, and I find myself getting overly irritated simply because I want them to stay on my schedule.

My boys are telling me a super-long story with lots of details and I feel myself getting very antsy because I’m trying to get on to the next task.

I’m repeating myself for the 337^th time in a day and I’m getting angrier than the situation warrants because in my impatience, I want my children to understand, respond and conform their behavior all right now. 

Not surprisingly, one of the most frequently-uttered prayers in our house is for me to be patient:  “Jesus, I need you to help me to be patient with the boys and not to allow my impatience to lead to irritation or anger.”  Sounds like an okay prayer, though if I’m being completely honest, I’ve often found myself even getting irritated at God that He’s not answering this particular prayer fast enough.  “I want to be patient – and I want that yesterday, or at least right now.” 

Just this past week, though, God spoke something to me that hit me hard in the moment and has continued to convict me on this issue.  He showed me that I’ve been praying the wrong prayer.  Me, in my self-centered “it’s all about me” humanity, has been asking God to “help me” in my efforts.  I put the burden on me and have relegated God to being the helper. Even writing this now, I’m amazed at my own arrogance. But putting God in the passenger’s seat is not how God changes me.  I do not transform myself into the image of God.  Rather, it’s a work of the Spirit from the inside out.  (Romans 8).

Now before I go too far down that road, I know scripture calls the Holy Spirit our “parakletos”, a word often translated as “helper”.  (John 14:16).  And while I’m not disputing this function of the Holy Spirit, I’m simply saying in this particular situation, God showed me that I’m getting the ordering of things wrong.  Yes, the Holy Spirit is my Helper, but I can’t do the work of changing myself.  Real meaningful character change is a function of the Spirit working in me.  Indeed, for that reason, patience is identified as a “fruit” of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23) not a “fruit” of my own good works or well-meaning efforts.

So the more I allow God to pour His love into me, the more He can transform me into the woman He wants me to be.  It’s not about my own efforts to “be more patient”, but is about allowing God to fill me so I can be changed more and more to conform to His image.  (Rom 8:29).